To Remain Behind
by Templa Otmena
Summary: Sirius Black leaves Hogwarts and Harry behind to gather the 'Old Crowd'. He reunites with Remus and the Order of the Phoenix is reformed. Angst and reunions galore over a busy summer... GoF:OotP Ch3 The morning after the morning before...
1. You Understand

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Disclaimer- The characters, plot and places of _Harry Potter _are the property of JK Rowling.

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Author's Note- I have a… _soft spot _for a certain werewolf, black dog, stag and a young red-headed lady… who doesn't?! .:eyes the people who don't:. :) and basically wanted to explore what might have happened over the summer that stretched between _The Goblet of Fire _and _The Order of the Phoenix_. With that in mind this fic will be rather Sirius and Remus-centric but other Order Members and a few surprises will make their appearances along the way… Oh! And angst galore…! ENJOY!

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TO REMAIN BEHIND

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By Templa Otmena

Chapter One- You Understand

His surroundings flew by him as Sirius bounded towards Hogsmeade. Without conscious thought in his Animagus form he leapt over logs and fallen tress and effortlessly dodged roots and any other manner of things that might have impeded his progress.

He had left the castle of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry barely ten minutes ago but he had already covered a great distance and would be within the main town in a short manner of time. His speed however did not allow the wizard any respite. There was not a moment to waste, he knew this and Dumbledore had made it abundantly clear to him as he had left. Sirius almost shuddered at the memory and the old Headmaster's insistence as he recalled the circumstances in which they had parted.

Albus Dumbledore did not easily convey any extreme emotion that might otherwise have been felt at any given time. _No_, Sirius corrected himself as he weaved his way through a small copse of wispy trees. Happiness, joy and pride. Those were attributes that the Headmaster constantly celebrated in his students. He was loved by many and respected by all and Sirius Black was of no exception.

It was more than a year ago since Sirius had escaped from Azkaban. He had been on the run from the Ministry of Magic and the dreaded wraith-like Dementors of the wizard prison. The times had been dark and his progress slow but even in his most hopeless of times Sirius had always had faith that in the right circumstances, were he to approach the benevolent old wizard, Dumbledore would have believed his tale.

Sirius had not betrayed his beloved friends, he had not killed Wormtail, he had not slaughtered those innocent people and he did not want to kill Harry.

Along with the promise of vengeance in his hunt for the traitor Wormtail, the promise of seeing and saving his godson and ultimately gaining his freedom, it was Sirius' belief in Dumbledore that had also kept him going. But the opportunity had never presented itself. He had no more been able to go to Albus with the truth than he had Remus, his only remaining friend. One who he had wronged and who had wronged him in return.

But Remus had believed him. He had been there and he had seen and Sirius had had no need to convince him. Vengeance, freedom and Harry had been within his grasp that fateful night but fate, in turn had cruelly ripped them from him, all barely a year ago. The light of redemption and hope was choked behind an encompassing cloud of misery and it was at this point that Sirius had almost given up, after all those long years.

But there had been no need. Dumbledore had come. He had listened and he too had believed and through his intervention and the courage of Harry and his friends Sirius had once again escaped the clutches of his dark destiny.

For a year he had tasted freedom although the circumstances had not been to the wizard's liking. He had wanted a home for he and Harry and he had wanted justice but he had been content and would constantly remind himself that things could only get better. He had kept in touch with his godson, Dumbledore and Remus as frequently as he was able and was silently overjoyed by their replies.

His restlessness however had been inflamed as Harry's new school year had dawned at Hogwarts. Death Eaters', the Dark Lord followers', had made an appearance at the _Quidditch World Cup _at the end of the summer where a genuine Dark Mark had been cast. Harry had been mysteriously entered as the fourth contestant in the _Triwizard Cup _and had been forced to partake. Sirius had dutifully raced back to Hogwarts to be there for him and offer his support, but it had not been enough. Not even Dumbledore's presence had prevented all that had happened to the boy this year and this very night and the helplessness and guilt choked the Animagus as he continued to make his way towards Hogsmeade and Buckbeak, where the loyal Hippogriff would be waiting for him.

He had seen the same gut-wrenching emotions flicker within the depths of Albus Dumbledore's fathomless eyes and it was this more than any other instinct that conveyed to Sirius how little time they had. Even now as he ran he imagined that he felt the dark tendrils of evil and despair grasping at his pounding heels. Darkness was upon them all and Sirius had had to leave immediately.

He had had to leave Harry.

_'Now I have work for each of you.' Dumbledore said. 'Fudge's attitude, though not unexpected, changes everything. Sirius, I need you to set off at once. You are to alert Remus Lupin, Arabella Figg, Mundungus Fletcher- the old crowd. Lie low at Lupin's for a while, I will contact you there.'_

'But-' said Harry

'You'll see me very soon, Harry,' said Sirius, turning to him. 'I promise you. But I must do what I can, you understand, don't you?'

'Yeah… yeah… of course I do.'

Sirius grasped his hand briefly, nodded to Dumbledore, transformed again into the black dog, and ran the length of the room to the door, whose handle he turned with a paw. Then he was gone.

The adrenaline had faded almost immediately and Sirius had made to turn back to the hospital wing to be with his godson as quickly as he had left it. But that vision of Dumbledore was etched in his mind and cold reason had stopped him.

He did not go back but had tried to turn his thoughts to what needed to be done but guilt was a powerful emotion and one that Sirius was all too familiar with. Once again he had been helpless in protecting and simply being there for Harry. If there was one thing that he could ever have done for Lily and James to even try and redeem himself that would have been it. But here he was, betraying them again. Harry needed him now but once again he was pursuing another person and another matter, leaving the boy bereft of his company and protection.

Bitterly did it cross Sirius' mind that Harry would be better off without him there but the black dog smiled grimly as he discarded this thought from his mind. He would eternally blame himself but he knew deep down, past the doubts and the fear that Lily and James would want him to be a part of Harry's life.

The dog whined as he trotted down the central road through the village of Hogsmeade. Somedays that thought would warm him with all that it promised. He and Harry. Remus. They would find and look after each other and Harry would know everything that he could ever want to know about his loving parents. But this night it offered Sirius no solace.

Harry had been kidnapped, tortured and almost killed at the hands of Lord Voldemort and the heavy mantle of guilt could not be so easily discarded from Sirius' shoulders. So much pain and suffering might so easily have been prevented and avoided. Sirius was not so arrogant as to claim responsibility for all that had happened but it was the small and echoing call within him that was nearly causing him to retch now as it had earlier.

James and Lily in some incantation had saved Harry yet again tonight. Their _echoes_, as they had emerged from Voldemort's wand during the _Priori Incantatem_ earlier this evening, had so willingly and readily sacrificed themselves for their son's safety and beneath Sirius' joy and unspeakable relief the thought had broken his heart. Yet again through his failures his beloved friends had been placed in such a position and all Sirius could do was pick up the pieces as he was forcing himself to do now.

But he could not dwell on such matters now, no matter how much he might have readily accepted such self-incrimination. He had a duty and if Harry's suffering was ever to count for anything he had to fulfil it this night.

Sirius brutally cleared his mind as he entered the darkness of the cave that he frequented when staying for Harry in the wizard village. Buckbeak was where he had left him and the Hippogriff rapidly, if not warily gained his feet upon seeing the dog become a man. The wizard quickly gathered his few meagre possessions and erased any sign of his being there as best he could. With a last look over the small alcove Sirius gently prodded Buckbeak out into the night and mounted him.

As they gained the sky and lucidly sailed past the stars and through the clouds the Animagus allowed only one thought to possess his mind and his thoughts.

He was going to Lupin's. He had to find Remus.

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To be continued…

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For reference the quote used above is from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, page 618. _There are a few changes that I made to the passage to make it fit more comfortably and maintain Sirius' dominant point of view._


	2. New Moon Rising

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Disclaimer- The characters, plot and places of _Harry Potter _are the property of JK Rowling.

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TO REMAIN BEHIND

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By Templa Otmena

Chapter Two- New Moon Rising

When he could ignore the call to rise no longer Remus cracked his eyes open ever so slightly. His vision slowly adjusted to the darkness that he still lay in. As his eyes scanned his whereabouts the soft shafts of sunlight caused him to squint and in his discomfort he sat up.

Yawning and stretching as best he could, he attempted to rid himself of the many knots that riddled his body this morning. The hard floor was unforgiving to his bare skin and once again he rolled his neck and stretched his muscles as he stopped to survey any damage that might have been caused during the night.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Every month as the Full Moon rose the wizard would hide and lock himself away from the light and the world. Were he to run free the effects would be devastating and he readily committed himself to such monthly incarcerations.

About a year or so ago Remus had had no need for such precautions. He had been working at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a feat that he had not ever thought possible, even in his happier days. When Albus Dumbledore had approached him he had been adamant that he would not work there. The risks had been too great, for himself, the students and the Professors but he had been persuaded. He had taken risks before and Dumbledore was a master of persuasion and in gaining his feet Remus smiled at the memory of his meeting with the Headmaster.

He had just returned from another of his sojourns overseas. There was never a cure for his loneliness and pain but Remus relished in the freedom and anonymity that heedless travel gave him. Be it in the Muggle or the Wizarding world he would find employment and simply try to lose and enjoy himself from day to day. Eventually he would return home to England when the incessant call could no longer be ignored, but he would soon be off again.

That morning, when the Headmaster had unexpectedly called on him Remus had been unpacking. He had been delighted but wary at seeing a familiar face. He had not seen Albus for twelve years and had not been sure what his being there had meant.

Death, betrayal… he had expected _anything_, anything but an offer of employment at Hogwarts. The old wizard had pulled out all the stops. No method was unused and he was devious, although few would know it! Harry Potter had been the catalyst in Remus consenting to his appointment of Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts and Dumbledore had subtly, and at times _not _so subtly pressed this advantage at every turn. He had yearned for years and times uncounted to see Lily and James' only child and the opportunity to be with him everyday had been all too tempting. His curiosity would be sated and he had finally felt content that he would be doing _something _for his beloved friends.

When the wizard's lycanthropy had come up Dumbledore had waved the issue aside. He had assured Remus that although it was no cure, the recently developed _Wolfsbane _potion would render him harmless and with a few carefully crafted excuses and alibis there would be no problems. And Remus had finally been convinced.

For that year Remus had been supplied with the potion and although he had not been as carefree as he had in his younger days amongst his friends he had been content and relieved.

When he had left Hogwarts almost a year ago he had continued to take _Wolfsbane_ but he was no longer so confident in the werewolf being kept at bay. At the school there were desperate measures that might have been employed were anything to go wrong, although the chances of the potion not working were near impossible. But with once again living alone and having only walls separating him from helpless innocents Remus would lock himself up every night that it was required. He would transform in a small constructed antechamber that led into his cottage. It was strong and effectively hid him from the world and others from his plight.

Looking around the room now Remus was relieved but not too surprised to see that there was no damage. The wooden panels that he had nailed across the windows were all in place and sturdy as the early morning light reached through them into the darkness of the chamber, casting itself in shafts along the boarded floor. Looking down at his bare arms and chest the wizard also noted that there was not a scratch on him as his gaze fell to his clothes that had merely torn as the wolf had burst to the surface. Once again Remus had simply curled up in his transformed state and slept, but he was ever glad of the extra security.

Slowly making his way to the door, Remus was careful of making any strenuous movements. Though he had not injured himself he had lay in a most awkward position for sometime as a man and he could tell that dawn had ceased to linger and the moon would have descended some time ago. It was nothing that a good bath wouldn't sort out and with renewed vigour he left the darkened room behind and entered his kitchen.

He swept up the robe that he had left on the back of one of the chairs that was close at hand and covered his nudity to dispel the cold. It was a chilly morning and he was glad for the dying embers in the fireplace as he brushed past it.

His was a modest home to be sure; small yet cosy. The kitchen was mostly wooden, like much of the interior of the stone cottage. A knotted table in the centre of the room took up much of the space, which the wizard navigated as he made his way over to the stove. He filled the kettle at the sink, lit the stove and waited. Casting his eyes out the window Remus noticed that it was far later than he had thought. It was easily mid-morning and although he had no plans for the day he was disappointed at the time that he had already wasted.

Sitting down, the wizard lazily swept a hand over his face. He was tired despite his long and uneventful rest. The robe, his drink and the newly lit fire warmed him but an uneasy feeling had also taken hold and with it came a chill that consumed him. There was absolutely no foundation for this feeling. Remus had constantly been victim to bouts of depression over the years. As a child his lycanthropy had taught him harsh lessons at far too young an age, making him fear rejection. And when he was older, having been lured into a false sense of security by the devotion of his wonderful friends, he had been ill prepared for a world without their constancy.

But this morning was different. It was as though something was in the air. He felt that at any moment the source of his discomfort would be made starkly clear to him, as though he were prey and the hawk had but to swoop down and deliver it's damnation. The last time that the wizard had been assaulted by such a feeling had been twelve years ago on the morning that he learned that Lily, James and Peter had been killed. And that Sirius Black was a traitor and a murderer.

It had been Dumbledore who had delivered to him the news. On a morning so similar to this, when Remus had barely awakened from a solitary night spent over a Full Moon, a rarity to be sure, the old Headmaster had appeared before him and had related to him the earth-shattering news.

That morning he had awoken feeling as anxious and as afraid as he had never done before in his life and the fact that he was succumbing to that same feeling now, twelve years later, filled the wizard with irrational fear.

_No_, Remus corrected himself. He truly had been feeling equally as worried and filled with dread as he did this morning and all those years ago ever since he had left Hogwarts a matter of months previously. His leaving, thankfully, had been of his choosing although he had little choice over the matter. Severus Snape, a childhood enemy who had grown to be an as equally infuriating colleague, had struck out in the only way that he was able after his humiliation and disappointment and, as when they had been children it was Remus who had been made the victim. But this time Sirius had been in equally dire straits.

His life, already so distorted by the deaths of Lily and James… Peter, and Sirius' betrayal, had been turned upside down yet again.

Peter was alive. He was the traitor. Sirius was innocent.

Despite the circumstances and the renewal of grief that was a constant over Lily and James, Remus had been happy that night.

A betrayal that he had never been able to reconcile, making Sirius' part in the nightmare ever harder to bear had never occurred and his heart had soared in relief and joy. But it did not last and it pained Remus to this day to recall those feelings, for surely their respite should have been longer than that! His part in it was an unrelenting source of guilt to the wizard. Had he taken his _Wolfsbane _potion Severus might never have appeared, Peter might never have escaped, Sirius might have been free and redeemed… so many alternatives might so easily have been grasped…!

The wizard sighed. Harry and Sirius had both very nearly died that night, having come so close to being subjected to a Demenor's Kiss and having their souls forever parted from them, and after coming so close to salvation. It would have been too cruel to be borne and thankfully a lesser evil unfolded. Sirius had escaped again and he was free but not innocent in the eyes of all but a select few. For a year Remus had awoken almost every morning dreading what news might reach him. Sirius was resourceful and cunning; his childhood escapades alongside James Potter were testimony enough to that! But still Remus feared. Sirius was rash; he knew that the man was in the country and dangerously close to Hogwarts at present.

Of course, Sirius would never be told. James had been the only one who had held any real sway over the impossible man, and he in turn would only ever stop for Sirius. The fact that it was James' son who was Sirius' reason for treading this treacherous path eased Remus' worried mind somewhat. If there was ever a reason for his friend to be placing himself in such danger he was at least justified, to say the very least, in his choice. And it pleased the wizard knowing that Sirius and Harry were together, looking after and getting to know one another as it should have been years ago.

But that fear could not so easily be abated and despite himself and his belief in his friend, Remus fervently looked forward to the next letter that he might receive from the renegade Animagus.

With an untouched and decidedly cold drink and a now non-existent fire Remus decided to relieve himself of his worries for however short a time and indulge in his well deserved and much needed bath. In a very uncharacteristic move the wizard left his unwashed and emptied cup on the table. Everything else could wait, he needed this time.

He edged his way around the table and made for the adjacent kitchen door and moved into the lounge room. Had he been in better sorts and his mind not so preoccupied, Remus might have been more vigilant. A werewolf can sense movement and scent in whatever form at times _moments _before a human would ever be aware that something might be amiss. But as it was the wizard, as he ambled towards the foot of the stairs, only became aware of the presence of another at the last moment as he stopped dead in his tracks upon registering the impatient and incessant knocking at his front door.

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'James… James! JAMES!'

All that answered was silence but for the echo of retreating footsteps. Sirius kicked back his quilts and followed the path that James had just taken. He cursed as he hurriedly slipped on his slippers and caught his dressing gown as he flew out of the dormitory door and down the winding staircase towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

James hardly had a head start on him but something was driving the young wizard and it was the same emotion and desperation that now spurred Sirius on. He stumbled out of the portrait hole and saw his friend just gain the corner and disappear around it towards the grand staircase, which would eventually lead him to the Entrance Hall and then into the grounds.

Cursing Sirius picked himself up and ran for all he was worth. This was not going to end well, he knew it. It would be a miracle if no one got hurt but the young wizard was sure that they could not be that fortunate, but he would be damned if James or Remus got harmed through his foolishness.

Leaning over the banister Sirius was dismayed to see that James was at least two flights below him and widening the gap between them with every stride.

'JAMES!' he yelled again, heedless of who else might hear; nevertheless there was no reply. Either James had not heard him or he did not heed him, both sent a chill up Sirius' spine and stole his breath, as did the realisation that he could do nothing. Abruptly he stopped in his tracks and made a hasty decision, racing back up the staircase and in a different direction to that of his friend.

There was no way that Sirius would be able to catch up to and assist James. Neither had snatched their wands and they would both be defenceless. Only Dumbledore would be able to fix this nightmare and heedless of any consequences Sirius flew towards his office, not allowing himself to consider that it might be too late.

But Sirius did not so easily brush aside any thoughts or notions of blame that occurred to him. They made him run faster as they gnawed at him relentlessly.

This was his own fault. His own stupid, reckless _fault!_

What had he been thinking?!

As soon as he had uttered those cowardly words he had known that he had committed a great wrong. But all through the afternoon, and again at dinner and in the evening in the Common Room he had ignored his conscious and reasoned that Snape would not be so stupid nor so desperate as to heed what he had told him that afternoon.

It had been after another spur-of-the-moment hexing match between Severus and James where James had come off the worse for wear. Sirius could still feel how his blood had boiled and his vision had been invaded with red upon seeing James struggle through the Portrait Hole with jerking movements and shaking limbs. In his eyes the pain had been there for all to see although he would never have admitted it.

And that had done it. Sirius had waited until he was alone and he had slipped out of Gryffindor Tower and with chilling maliciousness he had sought out Snape with only one thought in mind.

No one, No one_, harmed his friends, much less James. Sirius could tell the amount of pain that the young wizard had been in and he could only imagine the lengths that that Slytherin had gone to in order to better James._

He had found him at one of his usual haunts in the grounds. Upon seeing the enraged Gryffindor approach, Snape had scrambled to his feet and despite his best attempts his anxiety was obvious. His hand balled into a fist within his robes as he clutched his wand and readied his tense stance. And none would blame him. Sirius was fell when his fire was stoked and seeing the Slytherin's fear pleased the Gryffindor, the only emotion permeating from him a satisfied gleam in the depths of his chilling eyes.

Snape had not denied it. He had relished in recounting to Sirius exactly what he had done to James and how, his seething voice not betraying a hint of how intimidated he might have been.

When he had finished, without pausing for breath Sirius had grabbed the young wizard by the collar and violently backed him against a tree. He had wanted to break every bone in his body and hex him into next week but upon catching that all too familiar self-satisfied gleam in Snape's eyes Sirius had backed off and without giving thought to his actions, he told him.

Seeing Snape's smirk morph to confused wariness was almost worth the crumbling of the young Gryffindor's spirit as he recounted to the last _person who should ever have been told Remus' secret. And then he had turned away, not once having looked back, the only sign that anything so awful had occurred evident in the way Sirius sadly closed his eyes as he stalked away._

It was only as he lay in bed, unable to sleep that those tendrils of doubt and incrimination had grasped him wholly.

He and James had had a detention that inconveniently fell on the third night of the Full Moon. James had questioned Sirius relentlessly as they had scrubbed out the Owlery. He wanted to know what was bothering his friend but Sirius had not been able to speak of it then and had merely grunted and concentrated on what he was doing lest his mind wander elsewhere.

It was the last time that James had asked him that Sirius had relented and the terrible truth had spilled from his lips. The young Gryffindor could recount that horrible moment even now with cold clarity as he fled towards Dumbledore's office.

'Sirius… you're not asleep… I can tell… Is it Moony?! He won't blame us Padfoot, it's not our fault that Filch is an inconvenient sod… Sirius?! What is it Sirius?!'

_He had not sat up nor had he opened the curtains that surrounded his bed. Picturing James' face had been bad enough…_

'I told Snape… this afternoon. I told Snape where and, and how to find Moony…'

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A gasp had been his only reply and then hastily retreating footsteps and Sirius, in turn, had given chase, his efforts now leading him away from his friends who were in grave peril that was of his _making_

After far, far _too long a time Sirius reached what he knew to be the tower where Dumbledore resided. The great stone gargoyle was there and with one word the staircase would materialise._

Sirius knocked, kicked and scratched and uttered a variety of words that the Headmaster would never have conceived in using as a password. It was as he was just about to give in, to either slide down the wall in defeat or fruitlessly retrace his steps and go after James that the old wizard appeared. From the corner of his eye Sirius saw movement, and there he was. Dumbledore emerged from the darkness at the end of the corridor into the firelight that encompassed the entrance to the tower.

'Professor! Professor! You have to help them! My fault… my fault, they're…!'

Sirius ran up to the Headmaster and stopped him in his tracks. It was obvious with the fading amused smile that had graced the old wizard's face that Sirius' desperation was evident.

'Calm yourself Mr Black… Now tell me, what has you in such a to-do at this hour?'

And just as Sirius had given no thought to the consequences in recklessly telling Snape the truth, so too now did he relate to Dumbledore the awful facts without pause. His urgency was overwhelmingly apparent as he grabbed the Headmaster's sleeve and hurriedly began closing the gaping gap between them and his friends' safety.

'I told Snape how to find Remus… James… James went after them… can't be, can't be too late…!'

He gasped as his hold on Dumbledore's garments failed and was still shocked to see the wily old wizard brush past him without a word in the direction that he had just come, Sirius struggling to catch up.

At an astonishingly fast pace but still too slow for Sirius they were finally in the grounds. The landscape was illuminated and glowing with what could have been it's own light were it not for the lone icy beacon in the sky. As a silent sentinel the moon watched all that had and was transpiring below it, ignorant of the responsibility that it owned.

Both Headmaster and student hurried towards the Whomping Willow that was eerily silent. Sirius executed an extra bout of speed but was stopped by an out-stretched arm.

'Stay back, Mr Black. I will not worry for another.'

At that moment a voice rose above the heavy quiet and Sirius' head snapped towards the looming tree before him as the Headmaster moved towards it. The young wizard quivered in dread but could not move. A request from Albus Dumbledore was not easily ignored

And then it was over and nobody had been lost. By the time that Dumbledore had entered the passage, past the frozen branches and beneath the great expanse of roots Snape and James had almost gained the exit. Both had been shocked at the sudden apparition of Hogwart's Headmaster but neither had questioned nor had they looked back as the old wizard had continued on without them to see what he could do for Remus.

In the early morning Sirius sat alone outside the Hospital Wing. Snape and James had been ordered to Dumbledore's office, the former sworn to silence until the Headmaster joined them. Dumbledore had stayed until Remus could be moved as a human and he himself had helped him to bed. Sirius, however, was forgotten. Somewhere inside he knew that the passing of time without word of his summons was not a good sign, but he could not find it within himself to care.

Movement from the other side of the door caught his attention and he swiftly turned around where he sat with his back braced against the it. As he tentatively twisted the doorknob he stood and inched his way into the ward.

Remus was awake. He sat on the edge of the bed, his bare shoulders hunched and his arms shaking. Sirius made a silent move towards his friend but he was stopped as the other spoke.

'Why…Sirius?!'

The young wizard flinched and although Remus could not see it he cast his eyes downward, not able to bear his friend's misery or weather his hate. Blame though, blame he could take. It was all he had thought of since yesterday afternoon.

The silence stretched painfully between them as neither moved. It was Remus who spoke again.

'You could at least offer me a reason Sirius. Tell me that there was a reason.'

But all the Animagus could do was shake his head and close his eyes against the blinding tears of fury and helplessness. He would not insult Remus by trying to rationalise what he had done. No cause could ever measure up against the effect that Sirius' thoughtlessness had caused and the young wizard gulped down his excuses.

'Leave me please.'

Sirius' head shot up and for the first time he was confronted with his guilt. Remus had turned around on the bed. His eyes were wet with tears and his expression spoke of terrible despair, betrayal, disappointment and dejection. Sirius started towards him but stopped in his earnest tracks as his friend flinched and hopped off the bed, backing away from him.

'Leave me Sirius. I can't see you now.'

'I…'

'GO Sirius…'

And so he did. Sirius turned and ran towards the door, his breathing ragged. He only turned when he was on the other side of the portal and found that Remus had turned away. He was staring out of the great windows, his arms clutching his body as though he were warding off a chill.

'Remus…' Sirius uttered, one last time.

A slamming door was his only answer.

'Sirius…' Remus whispered.

The Animagus looked upon the face that he had yearned to see for a year and countless times before that with unconcealed relief. Sirius had traveled all through the night with relentless haste with nothing to guide him but his own initiative. Remus Lupin had been his only coherent thought and now that he had reached his goal and the adrenaline fleetingly left his body he could do nothing but stare.

Sirius took a step forwards and almost dropped to his knees, using the doorframe as support.

'I…'

Remus snapped out of his shocked stupor and started towards him, grasping him around the waist of his staggering form in a reassuring grip.

'Come in Padfoot' He whispered as he led Sirius into his home. 'Come in…'

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To be continued…

We're still in the early scene-setting stages of the fic as of yet, but I am trying to make it as interesting and eventful as possible… The flashback had something to do with that intention but Sirius' transgression is such a preveilant issue in his and Remus' friendship and this chapter really sets the scene for more angst-y goodness to come ;)

Many thanks for the wonderful reviews… :)

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Animagus-Spirit- Thank you for your kind words… and I am glad that I have you hooked :) Compared to my last multi-chapter fic _To Remain Behind _is slightly lacking in action and more heavy on the emotional side which, whilst being more of a challenge, is very interesting to write.

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Mystic Catface- Lol :) Oh! I'm writing more! As you know I am just a tad obsessed with the whole business of fan fiction and I have missed being a part of it. Thank you for your comments… they relieve me no end and, true to your guess this fic will be heavy on the angst… but humour and general light-heartedness will slip in from time to time. And yes my dear, tis all just a tad rich coming from you asking me to, I quote… '_UPDATE SOON!'_ .:smirks:. Pot calling the kettle black if you ask me… sort of ;) .:tut tut tut:. ;)

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This Parrot has ceased to be- Thank you for taking the time to review just before you jetted off to have a wonderful time on the continent :) I'm glad that you picked up on that line. I'm trying to give an adequate back-story in my own words and way and at the same time not wanting to insult anyones intelligence by regurgetating JK's work… Yup, as I said above I'm in the introductionary stages at the moment but next chapter those wheels should start turning and we get some actual interaction .:rubs hands together:. which should be nice… ;)


	3. The Old Crowd

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Disclaimer- The characters, plot and places of _Harry Potter _are the property of JK Rowling.

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Author's Note- I apologise for this chapter having taken a little longer than I had planned. At first the muses would not work for me, and then they did, but they needed chopping and changing and what is left is what follows, that I hope you will ENJOY… :)

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TO REMAIN BEHIND

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By Templa Otmena

Chapter Three- The Old Crowd

_'Remus J Lupin could never have been _this_ infuriating!'_

_Sure, _Sirius mused as he silently fumed, there had always been some aspects of his friend's manner and character that had been mildly annoying, but never so mind numbingly… _infuriating!_

The wizard in question, not altogether ignorant of his friend's grievances, in Sirius' opinion, was sitting across from the Animagus at his kitchen table. He sat there lazily stirring his hot chocolate with a spoon. The chink of the dull china made ignoring his friend that much harder and Sirius rapidly abated. He decided to disregard the notion that it was _his _bad mood that caused him to feel so foul this morning. _No, _he silently seethed… this was all Remus' doing… first to the left, and then to the right, and then five times to the left, chink clunk clunk, then five times to the right, five to the left, clunk chink clunk, and five to the right, _one… two… three…_

THUD!

The table rattled and the cup haphazardly shook, spilling most of its contents over onto the little saucer. Ignoring the fact that he too was covered in a fair amount of his own decidedly hot drink, Sirius watched his friend. Caught mid-stir Remus was utterly still. He did not move and did not seem to even breathe. Moments passed. _Or were they seconds?_ Sirius did not know. But, all too quickly his triumphant grin gave way to a wary grimace for he began to suspect that he might have not been entirely justified in his outburst. However, as his friend raised his eyes that held that all too familiar condescending gleam, his expression descended back into its deepening scowl.

'Really, Sirius,' Remus drawled, 'you ought to be more careful…'

The hand that the Animagus had brought down hard upon the table curled into a tightly clenched fist that he hastily removed from sight without much conscious thought. Sirius watched as Remus made a show of inspecting the damage done, punctured by several _tuts_, before rising from his seat, turning his back on him and making his way over to the sink to… _wash up_. Sirius tensed.

_'Not altogether ignorant indeed…' _he grudgingly thought and watched as Remus rinsed, soaped, washed, rinsed, scrubbed, soaped and rinsed the tiny cup and saucer.

Sirius Black was not an impatient man by any means. He was quick to temper but could find fun in almost any venture, situation or circumstance… once. Twelve years in Azkaban had changed who he was and no doubt who he would become but he still retained _himself_. He loved his friends dearly and passionately and Remus' odd _practices_, as he and James had dubbed them when referring to their friend's bizarre (in their opinion) desire to experience and partake in all things _Muggle_, was a characteristic that Sirius normally enjoyed for it was open game for teasing.

It did not work any more though.

Remus would have been reading a random book on… _Physics _or some other inane Muggle issue and would be lamenting on how much the Wizarding world was missing out on; Sirius would scoff and jump at the chance to enact the pompous-wizard stance and James… James was on both sides, but not really though. The young wizard was laughing at both of them as their conversation became more feverish and the issue more obsessive. He would add a comment here and there that would be so unrelated, and to be frank, _stupid_, but nevertheless it would set Sirius and Remus off on another heated discussion.

Sitting at the table, Sirius knew that he and Remus would get back to that comfortable place and he was happy for that… but right now it just didn't seem right. It was not because James was not there to partake in their fun, although his absence eternally tore at the hearts of them both, but because there was simply _no_ time.

It had been a day now since Sirius rather dramatically landed on Remus' doorstep and staggered (with much help) into his friend's abode. Truthfully, the Animagus did not remember much of his flight from Hogwarts or his arrival at the small stone cottage in the midst of the North York Moors. It was all a blur as his thoughts had controlled him and finding his old friend had been his only objective.

Remus had led him inside and than… nothing. He had slept fitfully, not able to find any true rest but relishing in an unconscious abyss. The darkness had consumed him, despite it being light without. No visions had come to him, as they so very often haunted him, but he had felt the evil encroaching and the press of hours had been heavy on his mind, but for the life of him Sirius Black could not have risen.

Eventually, upon waking, he had spied a weary looking figure draped rather uncomfortably over a chair by his bedside. It had taken the wizard a moment to recollect where he was and Sirius could still painfully recall how his heart had thundered against his ribcage before recalling his surroundings. Remus, perhaps having detected movement, had stirred from the light nap that he had been taking, as though he had merely blinked. He had smiled and then drew his chair closer to the bed.

_'Good Morning,' _he had said.

Sirius remembered that he had furrowed his brows in confusion, and perhaps indignation. It was not often that on-the-run convicts whom had not been seen for over nearly a year and presumed guilty for twelve before that, appeared on one's doorstep, and here Remus was, acting as though it was an everyday occurrence. To add to his offence, Remus seemed to smirk at his friend's silence and had risen and announced that it was breakfast time and had quit the room. Sirius had sat there for a moment, dazed, but had soon recovered himself and made to follow Remus downstairs, not for the first time wondering at the enigma that was his friend.

His affection had dwindled, however, upon learning that by _'Good Morning'_ Remus had been referring to the next day. It hurt Sirius' pride to realise that he had slept through a full day and night, especially considering the purpose of his journey here and this had certainly not helped his mood.

Sirius snapped out of his dazed thoughts as his friend reclaimed his seat across from him. Sirius closed his eyes tiredly and ran a hand over his face. His foul mood wasn't getting them anywhere, no matter how much Remus might have been provoking him.

A pressure on his shoulder made him open his eyes to find that Remus had reached over and grasped him, concern glistening in his grey eyes.

'Sirius…?!'

The wizard blinked again, his eyes suddenly feeling overwhelmingly watery. 'I'm all right Moony…' he released a choked chuckle, perhaps to mask a sob. 'It's just been a long and rough night… the other night…'

Remus smirked. 'You deserved the rest Padfoot, heaven knows how far and long you traveled… how on earth did you find me…?!'

'I don't know. It took a while, I can assure you. And Buckbeak…' The wizard broke off and looked around him, as though expecting to spy his faithful Hippogriff companion within the immediate vacinity.

'Don't worry,' Remus assured him, releasing Sirius' shoulder, 'he's just through there.' The wizard indicated a door leading away from the kitchen on the opposite side to the lounge room. 'I've fed and watered him and the last time I checked he was sleeping.'

Sirius nodded his thanks and the two friends again fell into silence. After having known each other for so long at time such a lapse in conversation should only have been comfortable and companionable, but Sirius could not relax. He was here for a reason but now that it came to it he found that he could not speak of it. Vaguely he recalled how Harry must have felt the other night when he had had to tell Dumbledore all that he had seen and knew. The comparison sickened the Animagus because, although the subject matter might be the same, Sirius did not have anything near his godson's excuse for his reluctance to relive all that had happened. What _had _happened to his feverish necessity to get to Remus' and set things in motion? The fear that had driven him seemed to have dissolved into a quiet wariness and it felt that, to broach the subject would make it all true, like some absurd superstition.

At the heart of it, though, Sirius knew that he was ashamed. He should not have slept. Had he reached Remus', recounted everything and set to work straight away he would have been fine. He would not have had time to be caught in endless daydreams that saw him standing and staring up at the door of the hospital wing, behind which his godson lay, injured, scared and hurting.

Ironically, however, it was the fact that Sirius had left Harry when he needed him most in order to make this journey that broke through the wizard's lethargy. _He had a duty and if Harry's suffering was ever to count for anything he had to fulfil it…_

But it seemed, as was very often the case when with Remus, that his input was not required.

With a flick of his wand that he had drawn from the belt of his trousers, Remus brought a chunky pile of paper to rest before the two of them on the kitchen table.

'While you were sleeping I compiled as much information as I could find on the old Order.' Another flick of his wand sent the top half the pile flying as though caught in a strong wind before they landed beside the main pile on the table. 'The names that Dumbledore gave you helped set me off on the right track.' The piece of parchment that now sat atop the main pile was littered with names, old and new. Sirius recognised most of them, but a few he was unfamiliar with. 'There are some that will not need to be informed and I have had a few ideas on who else we might contact,' he smiled wryly, 'and I'm sure that Dumbledore has a lot that he might say.'

But Sirius could not share in his friend's grim mirth. He could only stare at the man before him.

''Wha… When?! How did you learn all of this?!' He breathlessly asked.

Remus raised an eyebrow and actually grinned. 'I'll admit, Padfoot, that you were by no means in the best of sorts, but I managed to latch onto the heart of the matter, although there is still a lot that needs explaining, and a lot that we have yet to do. I have only just begun…' He returned his attention to the piles that sat before him and flicked his wand for the last time to return them to how they were before quietly continuing, not looking at Sirius. 'I didn't actually start until yesterday evening. I was worried about you.'

Sirius just stared at him. He was finding it hard to process any of this.

The silenced stretched between them. Remus' quiet admission seemed to have gone unnoticed, but understandably so given Sirius' lost expression. Finally it was he who spoke.

'What happened, Sirius?!' He asked without looking up. 'What has happened to Harry?!'

A pause.

'Voldemort has arisen again.'

The voice was hollow and the words choked.

Remus briefly closed his eyes and made an effort to breathe in. 'I feared as much.' Now he looked up to Sirius, his familiar eyes open, wide and searching. 'I trust, then, that I have not been too wide off the mark in the work that I have begun?!'

Sirius closed his eyes and smiled. 'By no means.'

They lapsed into silence again, just as tense as the one that had proceeded it.

'What happened, Sirius…?!'

The Animagus sighed tiredly, before beginning the long and dark tale of all that had occurred a day or so ago. _'Could it only, really, have been that long?!' _He vaguely wondered.

Just as Dumbledore had provided Harry, Remus allowed Sirius to speak without comment or interruption. It did make the experience far easier that way, without having to be burdened by another's thoughts and inquisitions. But as the Animagus delved deeper into their despairing history he found that he could not act so detached and that he needed his friend. 'He came so close, Remus… so close to being taken from us. Had it not been…' Here Sirius did stop abruptly and quickly glanced up at Remus who was watching him closely with concern. His friend weakly smiled back at him and drew in a shuddering breath.

'Well… it is well that you arrived here as promptly as you did. We have much work to do.'

Relief and gratitude swept through Sirius. He could not have spoken of that moment that Harry had lived. Not now. He was still desperately trying to reconcile what had happened, never mind the intricacies of the reverse spell effect. He tried to voice this but one look from Remus silenced him. There was no need to thank him for understanding, just as there was no need to tell Remus what Harry had been witness to after the two wands had connected.

Remus made a move to pick up the bundle on the table and Sirius followed him and then stopped and looked to his friend for an explanation as to why _he _had suddenly stopped.

'But… let us have a drink first, I'll put the kettle on…'

Clenching his jaw and holding back a rather undignified groan, Sirius collapsed back onto his chair.

_'Merlin! He _is _infuriating!'_

To be continued…

Thanks again for the wonderful reviews. They give me direction and inspiration, both of which are always _very much needed ;)…!_

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Animagus-Spirit- Thank you for your kind words :) This chapter did not turn out to be as long as I thought it would be… which is for the best as I can warble at times… _most_ of the time ;) Glad you're liking what's coming :)

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Glamenessence- Your review floored me and I cannot thank you enough… this head won't be able to fit in this room soon… ouch! .:rubs bump on blown-up forehead:. ;) I'm a big fan of flashbacks when in the right time, place and circumstance and I really tried to get that one to work and to be relevant and I was very happy when I read your feedback. And it is always nice to see a live James… tis why I enjoy writing them .:sigh:. ;)

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Mystic Catface- Valid reason you may have, mellon nîn, for not updating… but University no longer, at present, holds you in its laboratory-like thralls… I expect updates galore this Christmas… consider these words marked! That _fateful night_ really wrote itself. There are some issues that will be addressed in later chapters I'd imagine… we'll see ;)

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This Parrot has ceased to be- Lol, turns out that I was in a writing mood after all… strange how that happens…! Thank you for all of your comments in both areas of our online life ;) they assist me immensely and guide me and instil confidence where and when needed.

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Well, that's it for the time being… if I do not get another chapter out before hand (a crazy _notion that I _very _much doubt!) I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Be safe and take care… :) _


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